my first
by isis.aimz
Summary: this is my first..as implied


ADRIFT MOON

By: Lorenz Aimee Mutia

I thought that our class would start at eight in the morning, and I was already there at seven-fifteen. But when I saw my classmates were inside the room, I totally panicked. I checked our class schedule. The classes all start at seven in the morning everyday.

So, I knocked on the door and politely asked the professor if I can go in. She scowled at me, telling us never to knock on the door if we're late because it distracts her. As I was making my way to the backseat, I tripped, and nearly fell over. Praying that no one paid attention, I stood up confidently and finally sat down.

I heard someone chuckling. Thinking that I was the one he was laughing at; I turned my head towards his direction. He was mockingly smiling at me. I stared at him, and he stopped. We faced front to listen to our teacher, who was discussing subject requirements. She also instructed me to collect the class cards, as punishment for being late . As I took his, I momentarily looked at his name. Edmund Blackraven. How vintage.

Thank heavens the bell rang. That seemed like eternity. I grabbed my stuff and I walked to the cafeteria alone. Some of my classmates from Psychology were there, and asked me if I want to join them. Why not?

"He's staring at you." Marnelle whispered.

I was starting to eat, and put down my fork.

"Pardon?"

"Blackraven."

"Don't mind him. We nearly had a row."

"Why?"

I recalled what happened early this morning.

"He wasn't mad at you. As a matter of fact, he was smiling."

"He's well-known here." Melanie blurted.

"He's very intelligent. Dean's Lister for almost two semesters. Some wonder why he shifted from Engineering to Psychology."

"Listen, I have to go. I want to take a walk; I have another free hour." I was just excusing myself. I wanted to get away from them and from that discussion about Blackraven.

"Okay, see you around Liam," they chorused.

I was walking around the campus, checking out some places where I can hang out while I'm free. I was still thinking about that incident, but there something more I noticed.

It was hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be real.

So ok, I admit it, I was crushing on Blackraven. Every time I was in class with him, I spend almost half of the time gazing at him. He would always sit next to me. His coal-black eyes, like a long dark tunnel, seemed cold, guarded, if you ask me. I doubt if he's listening to the teacher, because he seemed to be preoccupied. He would be sketching most of the period. Marnelle and Melanie were the only ones whom I told about this crush thing. Sometimes when the professor would ask me a question and I happen to be inattentive, they would whisper to me the answers. There are also instances when I would participate, hoping that he would notice me.

The whole class is having a hard time deciphering our lessons. To gain extra points, we were asked to report on a certain topic, and some of us, volunteered to do it. I was cramming and exhausted before the presentation day.

Honestly, the report was a drag. I was mentally blocked. I was very nervous that time and things worsened when he, together with some of my classmates laughed at me. The professor started to ask me questions about my topic, and I couldn't answer it. I was in a bad mood afterwards.

In order to make up for that report, I spent most of my time in the library, alone, doing my assignments and studying. One time when I was there, analyzing some diagrams for our psychology class. He sat down, opposite to where I was sitting. I felt sick.

"Liam, you look sick," he began.

"No, I'm not."

"You're not a good liar"

"Shh!!" The librarian was trying to shut us up.

"Anyway, I know you've been studying very hard. I know that you'll pass the subject."

_Is that a compliment?_ I asked.

"Um, I was just wondering if you can help me out."

"You? Well you're really bright. No, that's an understatement. You're a Dean's Lister." I mockingly smiled.

"Can you help me?"

"I don't know. You're better than I am, and you laughed at me when I was reporting."

"Sorry about that. Honestly, you should've seen yourself that time."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No, but I'm asking you to help me. We can study together on your vacant time."

"Please." His words echoed through my ears.

Deep inside, I was floating.

"Ok."

Our first time studying together was arranged on a Monday morning, a week before the preliminary exam. It was purely business. He never asked anything not related to the subject.

But it didn't last.

"Liam?'

"What?" I looked up.

"I was thinking if you want to come with me. After the exams. Hang out in the mall, stuff like that."

"With you? What for?"

"For helping me, just my way of saying thanks. I'll treat you". He added.

"I'm not a mall person. I'm more like the homebody type. I'm really sorry." Frankly, I was waiting for him to insist.

"Well, if you change your mind, let me know. And may I ask for your number?"

"Okay, I guess it wouldn't hurt going out with you. I'll bring Nelle and Menie"

"It's a deal."

Luckily, we both passed the test, and the two of us were the highest ones among the class. I could see the look in his eyes, in wide disbelief. He was beaming when he received his papers. He didn't really expect it.

A deal is a deal. He asked me when I would be available, and who I was bringing. I asked Nelle, but she was out on a date on that same day. Menie was available, so I brought her along. We met at my place, anxiously waiting for Edmund. I lost hope when he didn't show up, on the dot. I was in a very bad mood, we were waiting for almost an hour, when he came, driving a Volvo. I doubt if it was his. He looked like he isn't legally allowed to just yet.

"Is this yours?" I asked when he opened the door for me.

"It's my brother's. He's out for the day."

"Are you in allowed to drive?" Menie blurted out, looking worried, at the same time, amazed.

" Turned eighteen last spring. Hasn't anyone told you that I shifted course?"

"I knew that."

"Do I look too young for my age?" sarcastic, as he started the engine.

"Unfortunately, yes." _Honesty was the best policy_, I thought.

I heard him laugh for the first time, and it was more like a guffaw. We fell silent until we reached the mall's parking space.

"So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know"

"We can watch a movie," Menie suggested.

"Sounds cool to me."

"I might suggest Prom Night, Marnelle saw it twice, and she said she had nightmares for almost a week," she added.

The movie was exactly what it professed to be. I was graphic and violent. I noticed that Menie look like she was watching. Her face was pale as she stared at the curtain above the screen.

"Are you okay?" I whispered to Menie.

The group sitting in front of us turned to look at her as she groaned.

"I think I'm sick. I need to go to the bathroom."

"Want me to go with you?"

"No. I'll be fine," she assured me.

As she left, Edmund said: "What a marshmallow. You should hang out with someone who has a stronger stomach. And she looks like she's going to be there for a while."

The movie finished and she still hadn't come out.

"May I ask you something?" He began. We were standing near the door to the girl's bathroom.

"Yeah sure. What is it?"

"Why do you keep staring at me in our Psychology class."

I went numb.

"What made you say that?" I raised my voice to a notch higher.

"Well, if you must know, I'm staring at you too."

"You wouldn't know that if you were looking at me." I silently answered.

"I am looking at you."

"Menie! Are you okay?" I was relieved. She came out just in time.

"Yeah, do you mind leaving early?" She looked horrible.

"I don't."

"Movie too much for you?" he asked heartlessly.

Menie's glare was malevolent. "I didn't actually see any of it. I was nauseated before the lights went down."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I scolded as we walked unsteadily toward the exit.

"I was hoping it would pass."

"I'll drive you home." Edmund said.

"I'll take a cab."

"No. I insist."

I checked my watch. It was half-past seven. Good thing, I can work through my homework. We dropped Menie first, I was worried, and she was having chills. I bid her goodbye, and promised to call her later.

"See you on Monday and good night" he said.. He was leading the way to our front yard, and he ask me again.

"Why are you asking me that?" My voice was stern.

"I want to know why."

"You're always preoccupied, and I want to know what is taking your attention." I was bad in lying, and worse in reasoning. He didn't buy that.

"Modesty aside, I thought you liked me." He pulled something out of his bag, and I was very surprised to see that. It was a portrait. My portrait, and it seemed that he worked with it for a very long time.

"But I like you." His voice was shaking, as though he was doing that for the first time. "I mustered some courage to finish this."

I stared at him with disbelief. Maybe this is just a convincing dream that I'm confusing for reality.

I was afraid that he would disappear in a puff of smoke, and Iwould wake up_. _

"A very strategic plan, indeed." I muttered.

"I think I have fallen for you."

"Yeah, great. I sort of like you too."

"So can we go out some time? Just the two of us," he asked hopefully.

"As long as you'll not make me wait for long." I jokingly assumed.

"I won't, I promise." He held my hand, and kissed it.

It was no big deal that the two of us were going out, but it was to my friends. Edmund would hang out with us, and we spent most of our time together.

"How did you're date go?" they asked for the nth time.

"I was great; he bought me a teddy bear last time." I remember telling them that I was allergic to flowers and chocolates.

"Did you kiss?"

"No, of course not, we only hung out together."

"Hanging out? That's not what they call it these days."

"Do you love him?"

"Of course I do."

In a relationship, of course, there are ups and downs. I don't know if something's up, but I noticed that he was avoiding me these past few days.

"Come with me", he finally spoke, in cold voice, taking my hand.

I didn't protest, but there's this part of me felt that it was bad. We were in the middle of an empty staircase, when he stopped and leaned on the wall.

"I can't stay with you any longer. We're leaving, migrating to the north."

"I'll come with you." I sheepishly said.

"I mean me and my family. You don't really know who I was before I met you."

"I don't care about you past."

"It was a mess. You just made it more complicated."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Tears fell down my cheeks.

"I was engaged to marry a half-Chinese girl, and now that I'm of legal age, it is time."

"What made it complicated?"

"I saw her in you, I don't love you. She was the one I really fell for."

"You're just saying that."

I was mad, and slapped him squarely in the face.

"What now? You can leave. I don't care."

"I would like to ask you one favor though"

"What?"

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid."

I nodded, "I will."

"And as a return, it will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. It will be as if I'd never existed." And he turned, and left, without looking back.

As he left, _I was like a lost moon- my planet destroyed in some tragic scenario of misery that continued to orbit in its remnants. I'll persist. Forbidden to remember,_ _terrified to forget_. I gave you my word, Edmund. And as time dashed, the same idea pops in my mind.


End file.
